The Hardest Part

I'm depressed.

It's December which means the first wave of people to leave Toronto are leaving next Tuesday. I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again - I want everything to stay this way forever! I can't think of a life that isn't here with all the people I've met and the thought of having to live out of a suitcase (or in my case, backpack) is a thought that I don't much enjoy. I also know that this life and my current lifestyle is unsustainable considering my current financial situation (i.e. super poor with no money coming in and everything going out).

It makes me sadder that with everything ending like it is right now, there are a lot of Goodbye parties and whatnot going on in the next week or so. I've been trying to find time to hang out with specific people (more like, specific person) before I leave but I don't think that it'll happen before I leave for Cuba. The situation is out of my hands as well which I don't much enjoy either.

Also, the majority of my post- uni traveling hasn't been booked yet and I haven't sorted out this contract shit out either. I really can't be bothered doing any of it right now. Especially the latter.

It seems as if there isn't any time left to do anything. Everyone has exams this week and next (I've got one next Tuesday) so its not as if I can go anywhere fun or do anything while that's going on. Did I also mention that I'm running out of money? This whole trip has gone too fast. In no time I'll be back home, missing everyone that I've met here. I know it's going to be weird not seeing them on a daily basis and I mean, there's always Facebook and Skype and whatnot but it just doesn't compare to seeing them in real life. There's been talk of a reunion of sorts in Melbourne in June or July cos some of the guys are coming over which I'm looking forward to as far away as it is.

I guess we'll see on Tuesday if saying goodbye is the hardest part of the whole thing. It's not goodbye forever, I know, but for an indefinite period of time. On the plus side though, I have a reason to go traveling. I've met people from all over the world and made a lot of friends for life. I feel as if I've accomplished more in my few months away than I have in the majority of my 19 years on this planet. Its weird, I've changed and yet I'm still essentially the same, introverted sometimes extroverted person as I was when I started this thing. Sure, some of the things I say may have changed (what's the craic? etc) and my view of the world has changed but I'm still the same immaturely mature person that I've always been. I've also learned a lot about my priorities and what comes first.

I'm not gonna lie to you - I have no idea where I'm going with this. I guess what I'm trying to say, and this is connected to one of my previous posts, is that this trip has kind of been a catalyst for change. The changes that I've undergone here in Canada would have taken me a lot longer to achieve back in New Zealand if they happened at all. I guess it was because I'd voluntarily thrown myself into a completely different environment (well, not completely. If I really wanted that I would have gone to Austria or the like) and was forced to fend for myself. No parents, no help, no nothing. I think that's what I needed. I think that's what everyone needs at some point in their lives (sooner rather than later). I realised how strong I can be - making decisions on my own, living on my own, solving my problems on my own (well, most of them). I also appreciate a lot more what I do have back home - family, friends, a good support system.

Wow. This post did NOT turn out how I pictured it would. I didn't plan on writing most of this but I don't really like to stop myself once I get going. This whole post is kinda all over the place so you'll have to forgive me for that too.

Also, if you wanna hear about some good things, I went to an NBA game AND and Ice Hockey game recently. They were both pretty awesome. The latter because we were sitting right in front on the glass so when the players knocked into it we could feel the whole thing vibrating! It was actually kinda scary. Also, the game went into overtime AND there was a penalty shoot out which was really exciting. The NBA game was also cool. Even though the home team (Toronto Raptors) lost it was awesome cos we got a free slice of pizza if they scored more than 100 points. Which they did! 103 to be exact. I also went to see Chris Cornell live which was absolutely amazing. He played for about 2 and a half hours and I knew probably about 90% of all the songs he played (there were a few Soundgarden ones that I didn't know). I think that's all I've done actually. I've been taking things a bit more slowly because of the money situation mainly, but also because I want to pace myself. I keep forgetting that I still have 3 months of travelling left to do!